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Mario_Ophugazi

Socially Awkward Penguin

4

had chance to say pledge of allegiance once over intercom in high school

forgot pledge of allegiance

had chance to say pledge of allegiance once over intercom in high school

forgot pledge of allegiance

Socially Awkward Penguin

6

microwaved hot pocket too long

third degree burns in mouth

microwaved hot pocket too long

third degree burns in mouth

First World Problems

16

Texted sarcastic statement to hot girl: no response after 3 minutes

I'll never hear from her again

Texted sarcastic statement to hot girl: no response after 3 minutes

I'll never hear from her again

Paranoid Parrot

5

opens fridge for midnight snack

stays far enough from fridge so door doesn't block vision for fear of sneaky killer in house

opens fridge for midnight snack

stays far enough from fridge so door doesn't block vision for fear of sneaky killer in house

Paranoid Parrot

2

leaves work late: last car in parking garage

sprints to car, avoiding shadows

leaves work late: last car in parking garage

sprints to car, avoiding shadows

Paranoid Parrot

4

friend drove car without asking and totalled it

friend drove car without asking and totalled it

Okay Guy

2

tells you she isn't in town

pictures of her partying in town show up on facebook next day

tells you she isn't in town

pictures of her partying in town show up on facebook next day

Trologirl

15

bowling a 69 by the fifth frame

throws gutterballs the rest of the game on purpose

bowling a 69 by the fifth frame

throws gutterballs the rest of the game on purpose

Scumbag Steve

5

babe, nobody gives a shit, okay?

just make me and the guys some sandwiches and go watch oprah

babe, nobody gives a shit, okay?

just make me and the guys some sandwiches and go watch oprah

Chill Out Lemur

5

i don't always drink beer, but when i do

i drink out of the holy grail

i don't always drink beer, but when i do

i drink out of the holy grail

The Most Interesting Man In The World

2

skip shower 2 days in a row?

might as well make it a streak

skip shower 2 days in a row?

might as well make it a streak

Foul Bachelor Frog

2

I love vegetables

especially baby carrots

I love vegetables

especially baby carrots

Pedobear

9

If a retarded kid shows up late to class

is it appropriate to call him tardy?

If a retarded kid shows up late to class

is it appropriate to call him tardy?

Philosoraptor

74

second poop of day

y u no come out when I take 1st poop?

second poop of day

y u no come out when I take 1st poop?

Y U No

1

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